The Rumour
by Andshecries
Summary: Based on a true rumour. Just kidding. It starts with Draco's desperate need for attention. He starts a rumour and... well, you'll just have to read the rest. One chapter is also devoted to Ron's tastebuds' love for fried Japanese pregant fish. DMHG


**A/N: _I didn't know whether to put this in romance or humour. I may change it to humour. It depends. I don't think I'm all that funny. Anyway, sit back, relax and enjoy the show!_**

It all started with a muggle song.

Draco hadn't even KNOWN it was a muggle song, obviously, or he wouldn't have listened to it. It had just happened to be played on the WWC during the holidays (for some weird and unexplainable reason).

Draco had the song stuck in his head. He sang it everywhere - in the shower, on the toilet, in his sleep, on his broom...

He always had a comb with him, and when he was in a room full of Slytherins, he would suddenly whip the comb out from his robes and sing, "Jeremiah was a bull frog, he was a good friend of mine... I never understood a word he said, but I helped him drink his wine!" He used the comb as a guitar and sang, "Joy to the world... all the boys and girls..." Then the Slytherins would all enthusiastically applaud and Draco would bow.

He only sang in front of Slytherins, obviously. He wouldn't be caught dead singing in front of Gryffindors. Or Hufflepuffs. Or Ravenclaws. He only sang beacause he had a desperate need for attention and only the Slytherins, who all worshipped him, would give him a postive response.

But he wanted MORE. He needed to find another way to get attention - MORE attention.

One day, he was standing amidst all his Slytherin and Slytherin-ish admirers when he saw two flashes. A flash of red and a flash of brown.

He turned his head slightly and saw the two girls in the schoolhe had not gotten any attention from yet - Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger. At that point, he made up his mind to go after one of them. The Weasel was a blood traitor and the mudblood was ... well, a mudblood. He wrinkled his nose. Had he actually thinking what he thought he had been thinking? 'Yuckypoopoo,' he thought, sticking out his tongue.

"Go with Granger. She's more sensitive. AND she's in our year," a voice said into Draco's ear.

"Are you my conscience?" Draco asked, spinning around.

He saw Blaise slipping away from the crowd, smirking.

"Hey, maybe BLAISE is my conscience!" Draco mused, extracting himself from the arms of Pansy, who was trying to shove an 'I love love LOVE Draco Malfoy' shirt up his nose.

As he walked away from the crowd of admirers (who hadn't yet noticed he was gone), he thought, 'I definitely shouldn't hang around Crabbe and Goyle anymore. Imagine thinking Blaise was my CONSCIENCE! I must be going mental!'

As he was thinking this, he crashed into a Gryffindor girl. "Geroff me!" he growled, even though he was the one who had fallen on her.

"Sorry," muttered the girl, walking away quickly.

Suddenly, realization hit him like a ton of bricks - the girl who was walking away was Lavender Brown, the biggest gossip in the whole school.

"Hey! Brown!" He called, running toward her, "Brown! Hold on a minute!"

Lavender stopped and turned. "What do you want, Malfoy?" she asked angrily.

"Listen, could you help me with something?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"I. Need. A. Favour," he said slowly. 'Is she retarded?' he thought, 'Maybe she is. Maybe she suffers from Verbal Diarrhea. That's a real disease right?'

"Um. Yes. I heard you the first time. Why should I help you?" she asked, tapping her finger against her nose, "What's in it for me?"

Draco hestitated for a split second, then said, "A really juicy piece of gossip."

Lavender broke into a grin. "Really? Really? How juicy?" she asked eagerly.

"VERY juicy," Draco promised, rolling his eyes.

"Ok then. What do you need?"

It was Draco's turn to grin.

"I need you to keep a secret," he said, "Which also happens to be the extremely juicy piece of gossip that's in store for you."

He barely concealed a smile when he saw her eyes light up. He didn't even have to ask to know that in her head, she was already making a list of all the people she was going to tell this 'secret' to. Not that he WOULD ask.

"Of course! You can trust me with anything!" Lavender chirped, "What is it?"

Draco couldn't conceal his smile this time.

"Hermione Granger is in love with me."


End file.
